Nasihat makcik ....komunikasi

 Semalam, dua posting kat fb menarik perhatian cikson. Dua dua ada sangkut paut dengan sifat cenge. Cenge ni orang utara punya sebutan utk garang. Satu posting di tulis oleh isteri mengadu cengenya si suami dan satu lagi pula si suami ttg isteri.

Well.... dalam hidup berumahtangga ni bertuah lah pasangan kalau semua kriteria/ character pasangan sedap ditelinga dan mata. Yang terjadi ... disebaliknya.

Posting pertama...sipenulis menulis tentang suami yang senang lenang mengeluarkan perkataan bodoh utk isteri. Walhal isteri lebih berpendidikan dan membantu dalam perbelanjaan rumah. Sedikit silap sikit bodoh. Hilang/ silap letak barang bodoh. Suka sangat si suami membodohkan si isteri.

Kalau makcik... bila banyak sangat dibodohkan, sila buat bodoh. Buat pekak. Buat tuli. Entahkan semua. Kalau hilang apa2 jangan bagi tahu dia. Bila dia tanya jawab Entah. OR Orang bodoh mana tahu apa apa. 

Sebenarnya lah kan..suami yang membodohkan isteri tu sebenarnya tercabar tgk isteri sedikit bijak dari dia. Dia mahu jadi ketua, penentu keputusan, tapi tak bijak. Keputusan selalu salah. 

Narcississ orang begini.

To tell the truth my other half fav. word was DIAM!

Jangan nak bagi pendapat. Nanti yang dapat ialah DIAM. So what I did I diam . Tanya apa diam. Shrugged my shoulders. Geleng my kepala. 

Ehhh you bisu ka? Tanya apa geleng , angguk.

Kan you suruh I diam. So I diamlah. Haha...

But truth be told. No amount of diam or quarrel changed our way of communication. Until I came across a book "HOW to deal with difficult People." Yes, my cikli was a difficult man . Baran, prone to temper tantrum . Just like my late father. 

I read the book and adopted the suggestions. To face the problems encountered by one to one talk. Heart to heart. I laid down his strengths. Then gradually the problem that we were facing. How I felt. What I needed. The consequences  from our bitter feud. And lastly my ULTIMATUM.

After a few occasions, I soon found changes . Less shouting fits and less DIAM! Now both of us are old and we withered our old age together. Been married for 42 years . Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Ada makcik tulis tentang buku tu dalam blog ni. Pi la cari. Type saja kat search this blog.

But DIAM tu dah macam sebati dengan makcik. I dont like to talk much. Just like yesterday,when I helped cikli tend to his wound.....there was no awat niiii? Tu la you ni.... I dah kata . None. I was calm, serene. Tak gelabah bewak... haha.

Anyway... jadi isteri ni kena banyak belajar. Banyakkan membaca. Berserta doa.

To the second posting about a bossy wife. And a stay at home husband. Talk to your wife. In private. List ( In your headlah) what you like about her ( banyak tak pa). Then put up your problem. ( satu cukup). What you feel. Jangan ungkit. What hopes you have for your relationship. What the consequences. Talk in a soothing voice. Sit . Have eye contact.

Dan tolonglah isteri. Ringankan kerja2 rumah. Isteri yang letih dari kerja samalh macam suami yang letih balik dari kerja. Tentu dia gembira balik ke rumah yg tidak caca merba.

I had been in a boss shoe. Tell you... its no walk in the park. 

Thats all folks. Sharing this not because I was pandai or what. Or nak peleceh sapa2. Take this as a shared knowledge. Maybe my writing could help couples at loggerheads with their partner.

Bye...