No love as deep.

Life sucks.Big time.
Its not mine.But hers.She had been through a lot.
But the “suckiness”  of her life made her invaluable.She was full of wisdom.Her words selective.Her thoughts constructive.
But all is in your perception.
But my perception of her was : She’s my mother.And I truly adore her.



My mum or tokton had stayed in my house for 3 weeks.The longest ever.Previously she was with my elder sister,whom we saw as more in need of her than she of her.Complicated? My mum has been taking care of my sis elder daughter who is a special child.My sis too is always sickly with dialysis to follow every other day and her HBP.With mum at her house,the maid could be in check.She too helped around with the work in the house.

So when I gave birth to my children,I seldom had her to be with me because my sis needed her more.Only with the first child her presence in my home was felt.The rest was on my own with pakli or the helpers.
Things came differently when she was lost for words.She needed a change of fresh air. So ,the reluctant tokton came over our house after much coaxing.And indeed those three weeks that she spent with us was invaluable.And for those weeks my rambling mind was at peace.She was always giving me advice in religious matters,correcting my quran recital,and those dose of medicine for the minds.

She too gave me a helping hand in doing light simple household chores.The room she was in was spick and span.No taik cicak on the window sills,no dust on the mantelpiece.No sawang under the bed.And the bedspread was always taut,spread evenly on the bed.

Ah mum,your years roughened with dad but have you got to do it again with your children? And I can say that she is the epitome of insan yang sabar dengan kerenah manusia.And amat malang bagi mereka yang tak menghargai jasa mu.


Today,her room is empty. She’s back in SP with my 4th sister.She wished to have her id  by visiting her husband’s grave  first thing in the morning.And we cant be there Ist raya due to constraints.
I miss those sweet 3 weeks and my tears are warming in my eyes.
Dik Han,take good care of her.I know you and hb will.

And after Raya,if she wishes to live with me and my family,she is most welcome.Because I felt no love as deep as hers.

Mak,minta ampun jika masa duduk disini,anakmu terkasar bahasa ,terlanjur laku.Terkurang perhatian.
Love from the family. Jumpa lagi.