Tessie Lim never failed to attract me. Not her lifestyle la . But her writings.
DANCING WITH DRAGONS was her get a life topic last week.
She used to entertain thoughts that she wasnt good enough.I had plenty of that.
She was never clever enough,beautiful enough or important enough.I had plenty,plenty of that.
Since her mind was distracted with these preoccupations ,she was always unable to focus.So imagine the way she met with conflict,stress,anxiety,indecision and doubt. Hell kan. And I am no different.
But sometimes the way we think does not bring out the way we were.
Had I been showing people that I was a timid , indecisive ,awkward ,could I be at that stage of my career. Sometimes I wonder,what had I in me that my superior saw me as a leader! A timid me who taught thousands of children as well as teachers. Who led the smallest school to the most difficult school.
Kadang kadang aku sendiri pun heran. Hmmm.
I think I found my answer.
Pakli .I think Peter Principle did play a part when I was in my teething stage.But it was pak li who played anchor.Had he always said tepok dada tanya selera,mesti I got no selera.But he was the one who always said :
Try ,jangan takut,jangan malu.You can do it! If you fall down but you can still crawl ,crawl.Dont give up!
Growing up in an era where there was no encouragement for self development,I grew into somebody as timid as the church mouse. Full of self doubt. I was my own enemy.I doubt my own capabilities.I regard myself near idiot.
I started as an ordinary subject teacher.
Forced to become the panel head.
Then the Jabatan saw me as a Kakitangan Penting. Guru Sumber.Instructor. Guidance teacher .Then as head of schools.
I agreed pakli did push me upwards. I was pushed into a job that I feared .If I dont know ,I turned to books to give me answers. I will be committed to excel what ever not.
So children,show the best in what you do and the best will come out of you.